five a.m.
good boy!
- (Dave) How long you got, brother?
- (Lou) Two years.
- (Dave) Shit, you're an old timer.
- (Lou, laughs) Yea, right. I had two years before that, too. Went out with one beer.
- (Dave) I know what that's like.
- (Earl) Yea, I had two years, too.
- (Lou) Oh, good for you, man.
- (Earl) Went out with one beer.
- (Lou, laughs) You too, huh?
- (Dave) If you're going to have one beer, you might as well have orange juice.
- (Lou) You're sick if you don't drink the rest of it.
- (Dave, laughs) Yea, right?
- (Earl) Before that, I had two years.
- (Lou) What?
- (Earl) I had two years...when I went out on one beer.
- (Lou) Oh, okay, right.
- (Earl) Before that I had two years.
- (Lou, laughs) Sounds like we have similar stories.
- (Earl) Yea, it sounds like we have similar stories.
- (Lou) I had this thing happen to me though, a few days ago.
- (Dave) Hmm?
- (Lou) I drink a lot of coffee, right? For throughout my work, like eight espressos a day—I drive a cab.
- (Dave) Right.
- (Lou) But seven days ago I had to check into the emergency room.
- (Dave) Shit, what happened?
- (Lou) That day, I drank a cup of this thing called Nitro something—it's got a lot of caffeine. But I didn't know.
- (Dave) Yea.
- (Lou) So I drank another cup, and then I started having these heart palpitations. I didn't know what it was, but it wasn't normal. I started feeling dizzy and just panicked and went to the ER.
- (Dave) Yea, those drinks can fuck you up.
- (Lou) It was probably just a panic attack thinking I'm going to have a heart attack, but you never know.
- (Dave) Yea, you can escalate something you may not know you—All right, you know how people, sober people, right?
- (Lou) Yea.
- (Dave) They can drink those Rockstars—
- (Lou) Yea.
- (Dave) The Monsters—and I drink a lot of those, too. Sometimes two of them.
- (Lou) Oh, totally. It's like milk for some people.
- (Dave) So one day, I had some, and then during the meeting I start feeling sick. I gotta get up and leave the meeting—as soon as I walk out, I start puking all over the floor.
- (Lou) Oh, jeez.
- (Dave) I'm talkin' straight up puking out of nowhere—that shit didn't happen when I was drinking.
- (Lou) No, I know. A kid from the high school in my town died from those during football practice.
- (Earl) I was in the emergency, too, the other day.
- (Dave) Earl...
- (Lou) What happened?
- (Earl) It was like a week ago.
- (Lou) Yea.
- (Earl) Maybe eight days—
- (Dave) Earl—
- (Earl) I had these heart palpitations, you know, from drinking so much Nitro. I needed it to drive my Uber.
- (Lou) Who is this clown?
- (Dave) It's cool, man, ignore him. He comes here everyday, shares. We let him say what he wants—he loves the German chocolate this one girl brings in for the group—then he goes home.
- (Lou) Whatever gets you through the day, man.
- (Dave) It's five 'o clock. Meeting's starting.
- (Lou) Two years.
- (Dave) Shit, you're an old timer.
- (Lou, laughs) Yea, right. I had two years before that, too. Went out with one beer.
- (Dave) I know what that's like.
- (Earl) Yea, I had two years, too.
- (Lou) Oh, good for you, man.
- (Earl) Went out with one beer.
- (Lou, laughs) You too, huh?
- (Dave) If you're going to have one beer, you might as well have orange juice.
- (Lou) You're sick if you don't drink the rest of it.
- (Dave, laughs) Yea, right?
- (Earl) Before that, I had two years.
- (Lou) What?
- (Earl) I had two years...when I went out on one beer.
- (Lou) Oh, okay, right.
- (Earl) Before that I had two years.
- (Lou, laughs) Sounds like we have similar stories.
- (Earl) Yea, it sounds like we have similar stories.
- (Lou) I had this thing happen to me though, a few days ago.
- (Dave) Hmm?
- (Lou) I drink a lot of coffee, right? For throughout my work, like eight espressos a day—I drive a cab.
- (Dave) Right.
- (Lou) But seven days ago I had to check into the emergency room.
- (Dave) Shit, what happened?
- (Lou) That day, I drank a cup of this thing called Nitro something—it's got a lot of caffeine. But I didn't know.
- (Dave) Yea.
- (Lou) So I drank another cup, and then I started having these heart palpitations. I didn't know what it was, but it wasn't normal. I started feeling dizzy and just panicked and went to the ER.
- (Dave) Yea, those drinks can fuck you up.
- (Lou) It was probably just a panic attack thinking I'm going to have a heart attack, but you never know.
- (Dave) Yea, you can escalate something you may not know you—All right, you know how people, sober people, right?
- (Lou) Yea.
- (Dave) They can drink those Rockstars—
- (Lou) Yea.
- (Dave) The Monsters—and I drink a lot of those, too. Sometimes two of them.
- (Lou) Oh, totally. It's like milk for some people.
- (Dave) So one day, I had some, and then during the meeting I start feeling sick. I gotta get up and leave the meeting—as soon as I walk out, I start puking all over the floor.
- (Lou) Oh, jeez.
- (Dave) I'm talkin' straight up puking out of nowhere—that shit didn't happen when I was drinking.
- (Lou) No, I know. A kid from the high school in my town died from those during football practice.
- (Earl) I was in the emergency, too, the other day.
- (Dave) Earl...
- (Lou) What happened?
- (Earl) It was like a week ago.
- (Lou) Yea.
- (Earl) Maybe eight days—
- (Dave) Earl—
- (Earl) I had these heart palpitations, you know, from drinking so much Nitro. I needed it to drive my Uber.
- (Lou) Who is this clown?
- (Dave) It's cool, man, ignore him. He comes here everyday, shares. We let him say what he wants—he loves the German chocolate this one girl brings in for the group—then he goes home.
- (Lou) Whatever gets you through the day, man.
- (Dave) It's five 'o clock. Meeting's starting.
Order 282
- I think I'll just have the mulita as is. I don't want any onions.
- Do what you want to do.
- You know what the difference is between a mulita and a quesadilla?
- I don't care.
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
- (intercom, background) 281.
- One's made with a corn tortilla and the other's flour.
- (man's voice, background) 281! That's Number 281!
- Yea, you would know.
- (laughs) I asked them.
- It's not like you've forgotten the language.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- You shouldn't have done it.
- Done what?
- Nothing.
- What are you talking about? This again?
- Why you gotta ask him for the lighter?
- Oh my god, you're still on that?
- Right in front of me, too.
- Baby...
- You might as well have blew him.
- Is that what you want to have said to me?
- You don't go to another guy to ask him to light your cigarette when he's smoking with his friends.
- So? You were fiddling with yours.
- Oh I was fiddlin' with it, huh?
- (intercom, background) 282.
- Yours wasn't working, babe. I was getting it for us.
- And at a church.
- (man's voice, background) That's 282! You want your 282!
- (continuing) What are you doing smoking in front of everyone at church?
- Cause I was with you!
- I don't care.
- So you like it when we smoke together but not if anyone else sees me smoking?
- You touch his hand when he lit it for you?
- No.
- All Mexican food tastes the same, that's why these cheapskates just all get tacos, anyway.
- You didn't say anything about my blouse. I bought it for you.
- You bought it for me, huh? I don't wear blouses.
- (chuckling) Remember that night we were drunk and you let me paint your toenails?
- I didn't see any of the other guys' girlfriends smoking along side them.
- But I'm your girlfriend.
- Yea, believe me, I know.
- You're so mean to me.
- I'm so mean to you?
- (intercom, background) Order 282.
- No one has ever been as mean to me as you.
- Yea, you mean from all the other guys.
- (man's voice, background) Come on, 282—that's 282 everybody!
- No one has ever treated me as cruel as you.
- And where are they now?
- I don't care.
- They fucked you and left you that's where they are. I'm the only one that's cared about you. I'm the one that's still here.
- This isn't how you care about someone.
- Go get your fuckin' mulito then.
- It's a mulita.
- Do what you want to do.
- You know what the difference is between a mulita and a quesadilla?
- I don't care.
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
- (intercom, background) 281.
- One's made with a corn tortilla and the other's flour.
- (man's voice, background) 281! That's Number 281!
- Yea, you would know.
- (laughs) I asked them.
- It's not like you've forgotten the language.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- You shouldn't have done it.
- Done what?
- Nothing.
- What are you talking about? This again?
- Why you gotta ask him for the lighter?
- Oh my god, you're still on that?
- Right in front of me, too.
- Baby...
- You might as well have blew him.
- Is that what you want to have said to me?
- You don't go to another guy to ask him to light your cigarette when he's smoking with his friends.
- So? You were fiddling with yours.
- Oh I was fiddlin' with it, huh?
- (intercom, background) 282.
- Yours wasn't working, babe. I was getting it for us.
- And at a church.
- (man's voice, background) That's 282! You want your 282!
- (continuing) What are you doing smoking in front of everyone at church?
- Cause I was with you!
- I don't care.
- So you like it when we smoke together but not if anyone else sees me smoking?
- You touch his hand when he lit it for you?
- No.
- All Mexican food tastes the same, that's why these cheapskates just all get tacos, anyway.
- You didn't say anything about my blouse. I bought it for you.
- You bought it for me, huh? I don't wear blouses.
- (chuckling) Remember that night we were drunk and you let me paint your toenails?
- I didn't see any of the other guys' girlfriends smoking along side them.
- But I'm your girlfriend.
- Yea, believe me, I know.
- You're so mean to me.
- I'm so mean to you?
- (intercom, background) Order 282.
- No one has ever been as mean to me as you.
- Yea, you mean from all the other guys.
- (man's voice, background) Come on, 282—that's 282 everybody!
- No one has ever treated me as cruel as you.
- And where are they now?
- I don't care.
- They fucked you and left you that's where they are. I'm the only one that's cared about you. I'm the one that's still here.
- This isn't how you care about someone.
- Go get your fuckin' mulito then.
- It's a mulita.
Well, they can't all be winners...
- So did you believe in me or not?
- Sort of, Your Honor.
- Don't call me Your Honor, I'm not a Cook County Municipal Judge.
- Sorry, Your Magis...strate?
- (head down studying file) Why don't you just say, "Oh Masterful One."
- Is that how I should talk to you?
- Isn't that the term you were throwing around here?
- Oh, right.
- I helped you write a great one about Ralph, did I?
- Do you think more than four people read it? I always had issues with my analytics. I mean, sometimes the time zone and the country—
- I didn't give you all that time so you could eventually have to ask me, "So did babe ever read my fuckin' blog or not?"
- Sorry.
- All that life I put around you...
- The girls I couldn't work up the nerve to ask...
- All those roads...
- The shoes you gave me—
- You're beyond that now.
- All the branches of the a tree, I know, and I couldn't—
- (head down) Quit quoting yourself.
- This would definitely go on crushed like.
- I'm glad it's not the one you created just for your throwaways.
- No more comeback posts...
- All the times they let you off, you schmuck.
- (head hanging) No more Today.
- (while scribbling) Looks to be the case. I liked the fellow though. Well, what do you want me to say...?
- What do you mean?
- For your eulogy. I gotta hammer this thing out before we get on with it. They're just about to be seated now...(musing) Which one did they find around the cemetery grounds this week?
- You write the eulogies?
- I write all the eulogies.
- Don't give that bozo a shout-out in my story.
- It was the most important story of your life, wasn't it? And it didn't even—you're quite a character, you know that?
- What are we looking at with the crowd down there?
- Strike two, asshole... So when I say if you found God or not, you want me to write, Sort of?
- (distracted) Which one of them's saying it? Not too many people knew about my blog.
- Why do I waste my time with you?
- Hey, you must have seen me kiss the ground that time?
- The week you went cold turkey off the anti-psychotics? No, I was busy.
- I thought you'd be softer.
- Did you want me to say, "Welcome, my son?" I'm only what you could muster up.
- I don't know, sometimes I would draw a blank.
- So he...Sort of found God, but sometimes he would draw a blank when I asked him.
- But what if it just gets deleted? I took a picture of this kid's painting and posted it up, what if the little twerp tries to sue—Ah, there's not even anyone else there to—
- Will you shut up! Were you this stupid when you talked to me?
- I did what my brain told me, I guess...Christ, I forgot to edit the suicide post. Some of the em dashes were too dramatic.
- You know for a writer, you didn't read many books.
- I just didn't feel like it, Your Honor.
- (scribbling) He just didn't feel like it...
- Are you going to write down everything I say?
- I've already written down what I need to say.
- That's sounds good, Oh Masterful One.
- You were quite a masterful one, yourself. Is this long enough, for you?
- Sort of, Your Honor.
- Don't call me Your Honor, I'm not a Cook County Municipal Judge.
- Sorry, Your Magis...strate?
- (head down studying file) Why don't you just say, "Oh Masterful One."
- Is that how I should talk to you?
- Isn't that the term you were throwing around here?
- Oh, right.
- I helped you write a great one about Ralph, did I?
- Do you think more than four people read it? I always had issues with my analytics. I mean, sometimes the time zone and the country—
- I didn't give you all that time so you could eventually have to ask me, "So did babe ever read my fuckin' blog or not?"
- Sorry.
- All that life I put around you...
- The girls I couldn't work up the nerve to ask...
- All those roads...
- The shoes you gave me—
- You're beyond that now.
- All the branches of the a tree, I know, and I couldn't—
- (head down) Quit quoting yourself.
- This would definitely go on crushed like.
- I'm glad it's not the one you created just for your throwaways.
- No more comeback posts...
- All the times they let you off, you schmuck.
- (head hanging) No more Today.
- (while scribbling) Looks to be the case. I liked the fellow though. Well, what do you want me to say...?
- What do you mean?
- For your eulogy. I gotta hammer this thing out before we get on with it. They're just about to be seated now...(musing) Which one did they find around the cemetery grounds this week?
- You write the eulogies?
- I write all the eulogies.
- Don't give that bozo a shout-out in my story.
- It was the most important story of your life, wasn't it? And it didn't even—you're quite a character, you know that?
- What are we looking at with the crowd down there?
- Strike two, asshole... So when I say if you found God or not, you want me to write, Sort of?
- (distracted) Which one of them's saying it? Not too many people knew about my blog.
- Why do I waste my time with you?
- Hey, you must have seen me kiss the ground that time?
- The week you went cold turkey off the anti-psychotics? No, I was busy.
- I thought you'd be softer.
- Did you want me to say, "Welcome, my son?" I'm only what you could muster up.
- I don't know, sometimes I would draw a blank.
- So he...Sort of found God, but sometimes he would draw a blank when I asked him.
- But what if it just gets deleted? I took a picture of this kid's painting and posted it up, what if the little twerp tries to sue—Ah, there's not even anyone else there to—
- Will you shut up! Were you this stupid when you talked to me?
- I did what my brain told me, I guess...Christ, I forgot to edit the suicide post. Some of the em dashes were too dramatic.
- You know for a writer, you didn't read many books.
- I just didn't feel like it, Your Honor.
- (scribbling) He just didn't feel like it...
- Are you going to write down everything I say?
- I've already written down what I need to say.
- That's sounds good, Oh Masterful One.
- You were quite a masterful one, yourself. Is this long enough, for you?
A day of deep reflection
- Who you gonna give it to?
- Methinks thus left shalleth she be gifted.
- Don't make the other feel bad though. Give her one, too.
- Which one should I hit her with? Can't give them both #8, I'll fall off the bike.
- I'm not sure, hold on...
- They're about to pass—
- Don't batter up yet.
- Hurry up, I'm gonna run into a pedestrian—
- Don't batter up! Get 'em on the ride back.
- I need the turn radius for the effect of 8 to jump on her.
- You've gotten so dangerous with that thing, one day some poor girl's going to hit her breaks and go full frontal into the air.
- That's why it's not for ponyboys.
- No doubt.
- I'll make like I'm swinging the bike in the lane then go full frontal with the blue eyed xenons, drown out everyone's LEDs.
- There's a chill—
- (both) But we ain't changed speeds!
- I can't hit 'em both though with that kind of spotlight.
- No, the other will be playing understudy.
- Why you don't want to go fifty-fifty?
- I'm working on the pedestrian with the three dogs. But I want her to know I ain't going to be picking up no dog shit...
- That's going to be a dirty garden while you two are in the sack.
- I'll tell her on the ride back...
- So much tail on this trail...
- Watch this—
- Do her a 6—Ohh!
- Take it home with you, darling.
- You just took her relationship to church, stole its innocence, scarred it for life until it became born-again Christian.
- She's going to be a sullen date come supper.
- She'll corrupt the next one. So what should I do with the doublemint twins?
- Well, you never want to short no options.
- Right, never leave any tail unturned.
- You want her to know that you're open to her, too...but not after the other.
- Not after she sees me hammer the other one.
- No one wants to be sloppy-eyed seconds.
- How 'bout I isolate her at the end, work on forgotten girl syndrome?
- You're not talkin...?
- Cinderella.
- Cinderella's not ready.
- She'll be ready on the ride back.
- The time lapse is different from car to bike.
- I can tweak it.
- The calibration was off during stretches—you'll be shooting all over the place.
- Beauty's only for artists to find.
- Hey man, I'm not doubting you—but it can't be done with two on base, you said it yourself.
- That's the beauty of it, I'll be zig-zagging so much with 8 Approaching, they won't know who I'm honing in on.
- So?
- Then I'll cut to a 4 on Callback A.
- Yea, you'll drop her self-esteem to a minimum she sees the spotlight Betsy's getting. Seeing a 4 from the stands will shatter any cradle of self-worth. It's been proven.
- No doubt.
- It's going to be the worst bike ride of her life.
- But Betsy's not going to get the 4, not all of it at least.
- Why not?
- Cause you're going to swing your LEDs in her face as I tailpipe Cinderella to the 4.
- You're going to snapkick Betty?
- Just as she starts remembering why she hates her friend in the first place.
- Genius! You'll save her life while Betsy's chasin' the tail end of a sweet dream.
- Methinks thus left shalleth she be gifted.
- Don't make the other feel bad though. Give her one, too.
- Which one should I hit her with? Can't give them both #8, I'll fall off the bike.
- I'm not sure, hold on...
- They're about to pass—
- Don't batter up yet.
- Hurry up, I'm gonna run into a pedestrian—
- Don't batter up! Get 'em on the ride back.
- I need the turn radius for the effect of 8 to jump on her.
- You've gotten so dangerous with that thing, one day some poor girl's going to hit her breaks and go full frontal into the air.
- That's why it's not for ponyboys.
- No doubt.
- I'll make like I'm swinging the bike in the lane then go full frontal with the blue eyed xenons, drown out everyone's LEDs.
- There's a chill—
- (both) But we ain't changed speeds!
- I can't hit 'em both though with that kind of spotlight.
- No, the other will be playing understudy.
- Why you don't want to go fifty-fifty?
- I'm working on the pedestrian with the three dogs. But I want her to know I ain't going to be picking up no dog shit...
- That's going to be a dirty garden while you two are in the sack.
- I'll tell her on the ride back...
- So much tail on this trail...
- Watch this—
- Do her a 6—Ohh!
- Take it home with you, darling.
- You just took her relationship to church, stole its innocence, scarred it for life until it became born-again Christian.
- She's going to be a sullen date come supper.
- She'll corrupt the next one. So what should I do with the doublemint twins?
- Well, you never want to short no options.
- Right, never leave any tail unturned.
- You want her to know that you're open to her, too...but not after the other.
- Not after she sees me hammer the other one.
- No one wants to be sloppy-eyed seconds.
- How 'bout I isolate her at the end, work on forgotten girl syndrome?
- You're not talkin...?
- Cinderella.
- Cinderella's not ready.
- She'll be ready on the ride back.
- The time lapse is different from car to bike.
- I can tweak it.
- The calibration was off during stretches—you'll be shooting all over the place.
- Beauty's only for artists to find.
- Hey man, I'm not doubting you—but it can't be done with two on base, you said it yourself.
- That's the beauty of it, I'll be zig-zagging so much with 8 Approaching, they won't know who I'm honing in on.
- So?
- Then I'll cut to a 4 on Callback A.
- Yea, you'll drop her self-esteem to a minimum she sees the spotlight Betsy's getting. Seeing a 4 from the stands will shatter any cradle of self-worth. It's been proven.
- No doubt.
- It's going to be the worst bike ride of her life.
- But Betsy's not going to get the 4, not all of it at least.
- Why not?
- Cause you're going to swing your LEDs in her face as I tailpipe Cinderella to the 4.
- You're going to snapkick Betty?
- Just as she starts remembering why she hates her friend in the first place.
- Genius! You'll save her life while Betsy's chasin' the tail end of a sweet dream.
buried
I watched the tables outside near the grass from inside the dinner hall. While walking by a few yards away to use the restroom I looked to see, curious, if I could spot some of his clothes. I noticed a cream colored sweater in one man's arms and there weren't that many items left on the table. While it should have been endearing, I felt them taking the last pieces of him. I felt him dying more. I felt him leaving then there was none of him. I started crying while walking in. I cried while I pissed and begged God to help me, help me, just help me.
I feel so alone and I can't feel faith. When I cry I feel something, but I don't know if it's faith. I feel like a worm, I feel like a human that's not long for this earth. What have I done to my brain? When didn't I notice? I had time enough to notice. Poncho came along, and he was nice enough. He said at least you wrote something, you served out a day.
"What do you mean?" I asked. "What else?"
"Nothing more," he said.
I feel so alone and I can't feel faith. When I cry I feel something, but I don't know if it's faith. I feel like a worm, I feel like a human that's not long for this earth. What have I done to my brain? When didn't I notice? I had time enough to notice. Poncho came along, and he was nice enough. He said at least you wrote something, you served out a day.
"What do you mean?" I asked. "What else?"
"Nothing more," he said.
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