none of your business

- (customer) How much for the Marlboro Black?

- (clerk) Let me scan it...uh, $5.76.

- (customer) Uh-uh, no way.  Hit me with a deal.

- (clerk) Hit me with go away.

- (owner, background) Hit him with the deal, Bella.

- (clerk) If you buy two, you save more.

- (customer) How much?

- (clerk) I dunno, like two dollars?

- (customer) You got it all up here, huh?

- (clerk) You want it or not?

- (customer) Hey, remember when you guys got cited for not IDing?

- (owner, background) He still here?

- (customer) That had Bella written all over it.

- (clerk) Yea, he's still talking.

- (customer) So how much will each be?

- (clerk, scoffing)

- (customer) In the 4 range?

- (clerk) Yea, less than $5.

- (customer) Okay, whatever.

- (clerk) What?

- (customer) Yes.

- (clerk) Okay.

- (cigarette rep, turning around from cigarette rack) Excuse me.  Hello, my name is Jeremy.  I'm the field representative for the industry.

- (customer) Who is this guy?

- (clerk) He's our rep.

- (customer) You work for tobacco?

 - (rep) I do.

- (customer) Yea, but you don't say that on a date, do you?

- (rep) People are still going to smoke without me.  Plus, I'm happily married.

- (customer) So you work for big tobacco, huh?

- (clerk) Jesus Christ.

- (customer) Holy Matrimony.

- (rep) Can I ask what about this brand attracts you.

- (customer) You mean, entices me?

- (rep) Yea.

- (customer) Oh, it's got sentimental value to me.

- (rep) What does that mean?

- (customer) Oh, none of your business.

- (rep) Okay.

- (customer) I'm just kidding.  I like the packaging.

- (rep) Have you ever tried Camel or Newports?

- (customer) Why?  They didn't make anything in honor of me.

- (rep) What do you mean?

- (customer) None of your business.  

- (rep) Well, I can give you a deal on a Newport Red right now.  If you buy one, it's only a dollar plus tax.

- (customer) A dollar?

- (clerk) Plus tax.

- (customer) Eh, I'll get one for Alan.  He'll smoke anything.

- (rep) Who's Alan?

- (customer) None of your business.

- (clerk) Is he the guy who drank all our coffee on Free Refill day?

- (rep) Can I ask what your name is?

- (customer) Oh, it's Alan—no, Jack.  No, Alex.

- (rep) It's okay.  I have trouble forgetting my name too.  So...Alex?  

- (customer) Since I can remember.

- (rep) Okay.  And can I just check your ID to verify you're 18?

- (customer) How flattering.

- (rep) They make me do it.  Here you go, Edgar.

- (customer) Sorry.

- (rep) Why wouldn't you tell me your real name?

- (customer) I don't give any of my dealers my real name.  Can I get a sample pack from your basket?

- (rep) I don't have a basket.

- (customer) Touché.