(Morning After)
I should have complained. I would have had every right to. I should have thrown the bag over their heads, or at their—whatever. Someone must have known. You know how once tuna reaches its expiration, you can quickly smell its deterioration in a matter of minutes when it's in your lap on the bus...well, i do. So I'm walking with the bag over the bridge, And then at some point the wind hit it, and then from there, it couldn't be ignored. The bag didn't even make it to my house. Some gravy from the makeshift containers got on my pinky and I licked it off, nothing could be salvaged. All three types of gravy, gone diddly on. I'm done with Thanksgiving for this year. To think, I was considering throwing this shit on my dogs to get my money's worth. Now that would be a rampage you would hear about on the news.
The IHOP Killer and the waiter who served him, who was on top of his hitlist, who missed work that day due to personal reasons, and who happened to be black. The Killer, whose name we will not publicize, refered to his waiter in his manifesto as, and I quote, "phony-baloney," and then goes on to rant, "I gave the guy two twenties and asked for change when I could have gave him 25 and ended it, and he saw me consider the 5; obviously, a message had been sent by me that wasn't received by his doddi galogh [That could mean a number of things, Janet; we're not ruling anything out]. Then he doesn't bring me back change until I ask him again, and he said he forgot cause the ice bucket or something. How could he forget about me when I'm the only—No, how could he forget about me when he was staring at me the whole time? I'll kill that mothafucker, Oh diary!"
- (Janet) What's "mothafucker?" Is that some kind of race—
- (Phil) We're Live, Janet
- (background voice) Party foul!
- (Janet) No, I meant how it was transcribed—Whatever, you guys can eat me. I quit.
Late for work again.
- You're hot, you're so hot. You're hot, just fuckin hot.
- I'm losing it.
- You're hot. You're hot. So fuckin hot.
- I'm losing it.
- You're a superstar. So fuckin hot.
- Stop it.
- Hot. You're a superstar.
- Hey, Superstar, why don't you pull over, so I can get your autograph. ...Should I make a run for it? ...Oh, no, Officer, I was talking to myself. Moron, pull over...I thought I was being creative. That wasn't it...Can I be frank with you? I guess I can't ever be frank, can I? Do I want to be frank?
- Listen, if you want to be frank so much, I'm sure that guy in the F-150 knows some people.
- That guy right there? That guy right there is on the phone with some Mexican singer, planning out his corrido. I've seen Narco Cultura. That's a guy I wouldn't want to mess with. I saw him counting a wad, his big hat, the clothes, and that he's going to be buried with his truck. Obviously, I put 2 n 2 together. Everybody knows a guy who can get a fake ID...amateur. It was funny, I was absent-mindedly staring at him for a while, thinking, he's not crazy. Listen, I was thinking, we shouldn't be so vulgar, you know, eating ass and the like. It was funny at the time, but it turns on its head, and then I want to bash my head into a window. Well, at least I get the compulsion to say it.
- Thank god, that's my beautiful face.
- I don't like the way people are looking at me. In the mirror, I don't see it. No more jokes with people today, my mouth's going to be running anyway
- It could be that.
- Yea, it could be that. I'm tired.
- That in-n-out commercial doing anything for you?
- Yea, it was kind of depressing, these people and their voices, i mean they're out hawking a burger while im losing my soul. A burger can't write poems. I mean, I'm better than a ...
- Don't look at her.
- She's good.
- Well then for christ sake, don't nod and say she's good in front of the mom.
- Did you see that? She was wearing an in-n-out shirt. I couldn't make that shit up if tried.
- Fleetwood Mac.
- Oh yea, what a voice.
- I dunno, see, I don't like the attention in-n-out gets, and I'm not speaking as a soul writing guy, but a burger guy—and I know you like them.
- I've frequented the establishment.
- Yea, they're family owned, and Dave couldn't hold out, and sure if they became a franchise, many people would get rich
- You're reaching into your ass again.
- It's not a burger's burger! My sister would beg to differ, but she's stupid. She would beg to differ, but she's stupid. I mean, how would a vegetarian know what a good burger is? I'm just kiddong. She loved in-n-out...yea, she used to wolf that shit down. Ah, jeez, I'm horrible. This one time when she first became a vegetarian, my dad and me made fun of her at the same time, it was about some steak restaurant, I said about the same thing, but she started crying. That was ungood. I did not like the way that felt. I didn't make fun of her for that again. I mean, why would I? She used to take me to restaurants, pay for me. Obviously, I found new ways to be an asshole.
- Obviously.
- But she's stupid...let me tell you something about your in-n-out...
- It's...
- It's a thousand island!
Still late.
-babe?
hey man you gotta get yours
-babe?
hey man you gotta get yours
-babe?
hey man you gotta get yours
-babe?
hey man you gotta get yours
we can fight it
or we can embrace it
hey man you gotta get yours
-babe
hey man you gotta get yours
we can embrace it
hmm hmm hmm
always making sounds
all of it means something,
at least to us,
so tired of the persecution
we form
The Committee of the Crazied
Item 1: Before we start : No Revenge Vendettas. Yes?
- Can We still bomb the IHOP?
- What did I just say?
- Ok. Well then I would like to point out, that I, received, a check...for a substantial amount of money, disclosed here, look...
- Check it out, Easter.
- Yea.
- What?
- Yea.
- What?
- Yes. It says "Substantial Amount of Money."
- (sighs, relieved) Okay, go on.
- Every thing is in order, thus far, yes?
- Umhmm
-Umhmm
-hmm
-Umhmm
-Uhmmmm
- Which one of you had a doubt? ...hmm, Which one of you had a doubt but was being cynical? Open mic's at 6, bozos. (aside) Watch him, Duke or York, they might be giants.
- Duke of York, please.
- Yes.
- Which one?
- What?
- He's being confrontational.
- He's a renegade.
- You're my girlfriend; I'll buy you dinner.
- Fuck yea! A fight.
- Settle down guys, we don't have confrontations.
- Yea that's why we have those special parking spots.
- What?
- Is that true?
- My grandma has one.
- Your grandma doesn't have one.
- Her grandmother doesn't have one.
- Well, it's true but he's really bending it
- Bendam use to Beckett.
- We're lobbying for it.
- So his grandma doesn't have one?
- No, I've seen the bitch. She's wonderful.
- Guys! Guys!
- I have a check for a Substantial Amount of Money.
- He's right.
- Check it out, Easter.
- Looks Good.
- It was paid to me, by the guy, and the guy, he did it. And he wants you to know.
- Well, does he love us?
- I wouldn't want not to be loved. You can really hurt someone's organs.
- Hey, he's right! You should be President.
- I'm here for the Fight Club.
- You can't just say the name of a group that doesn't exist just cause you want it to start.
- Hey, he should be President.
- I dunno, he seems like he's got ideas.
- Let's kill him!
- Cut the head off the snake right now.
- Guys! Guys!
- Shiiiiiiiiiit...
- Ah, there he is
- He's Smart
- So You're Smart?
- He's Smart.
- Right, guy who wrote the check, right?
- Yea
- This guy always nods
- Well, that guy eats salads.
- Oh. Yea—oh yea!
- Salads? I knew it!
- Is he fit?
- Is he dying?
- I hope someone loves him.
- Yea, he's fit. Why wouldn't he be? He's been eating those—
- We should kill him and his enti—
- Can all of you stop the ceaseless chatter...elaborate, please, He's Smart.
- Your boy's got a lot of lettuce.
- Lettuce!? I knew it! I fuckin knew it this whole time.
- Oh, yea, the lettuce goes with the salad.
- I made a salad once.
- You didn't make no salad
- Nah, you didn't make no salad.
- I knew it! I could just kill him...or love him, you know, whatever you guys think is fair
Afternoon
Let us not make fools of ourselves, let us hide in public and become invisible
- Thats your game plan?
- yea, i think
- no
- lots of stuff is happening
- take the xanax, take some, this is one time impretty sure its medically good
no, i don't think i will,mindon't think think ill take any
you should, lots of things are happening
i like the sound of your voice
you should take them
no, i like the sound of your voice
there's nothing here for you
what's in there for me when im in there?
- You gotta be ruthless in this world. You gotta be cold.
- So that's your thing now? You're going to be ruthless?
- Well, I'm going to try.
- hmm.
yea...
hmm...
hmm?
yea
hmm?
How do you think your ego will feel about that
- Well, I'm going to give him new flavors, sacrifices—women. I'm going to inject some balls into him
-yea?
- and you know...Well I'm not saying he's going to become a basketball player, but you know, he's going to be cold.
-yea..
hmm..
yea...
yea...
yea
Yea
Do you want me to say a couple things, I ask because, you know...ok.
Later.
Ok, I give in. Here. Help me out, Xanax. Give me peace.
- Well, you can't pray to it.
- And if I drink with it then—
- Don't act stupid.
Hey, let's have a talk show about what he meant by, "Don't Act Stupid." It'll be me
you
and we get a third party in on this, a cute little chick,
but here's the thing though,
it has to be a chicken.
I've talked to the executives.
They want the chicken.
Guys want the chicken.
I got this sense they were hungry when i sat down
I forgot, you can't smoke cigarettes on xanax
- how bout chicken?
-ahhhh, i like the sound of your voice
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