Diet Mello Yello

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Enjoying your meal?

- Yes, very much so.  Want a wing?  It's boneless.

- No, thanks; and your water?  Are you enjoying your water?

- Oh, that.

- I'm the manager.

- Yea, I figured as much...Well, you manage a fine establishment!

- I watch over them, but the company watches over me.

- Yea, they're watching me too; (whispers) people think I'm schizophrenic. 

- I know it's tempting to just get a water cup instead of paying for the cup and pouring in—what is that, Mello Yello?  It sure as hell isn't water.

- I respect your beliefs, but I'm not religious.

- Come on, what is it?

- (head hangs in shame) Well, it's diet Melo Yellow.

- Right, pouring in your favorite drink—

- (shaking head) It is! It is!

- Will you shut up, I'm trying to explain something to you.

- (head hangs, taking a sip) Yes, sir.

- You can't get a drink you didn't pay for from the fountain when you think no one's watching.

- I know they are.

- Which baffles me even more; since you're schizophrenic, you'd think you'd have enough sense to know there are eyes on you all the time.  And they're on me, too, homeboy.  

- I know, sir—And you get your customers with the cups, not the fountain machine.

- It's not just that; and it's not like these guys don't deserve it with how much they make and how they treat us—

- Oh, are you tired, love?

- If everyone else did what you did, there'd be no reason to charge for anything.  

- Yea, I saw an elder gentleman do it.

- Where's the business in paying for you to have your favorite soda?  It's stealing, is what it is, anyway you justify it.

- Look, can we, just...act like this isn't happening?

- You think I'm dreaming?

- Hey, come on, man, I got three women around me and one of them I got to stop looking at her stupid boyfriend with Sexy Stare #6.  You know how rare that feat is using only #6?

- Well, now she knows what your cheap ass is all about.

- Because you're standing here over me scolding me!

- Don't like how it feels?  Be a man, and buy your cup.

- You know, I think about those things...What it must feel like to see the same face everyday, to know the different expressions she makes...

- You can pay for your drink right there.

- ...If she's happy...worried, upset...or serious...I've been tired, you know?

- Whatever, I got work to do.