Slowly and Shirley

- (stranger) Hello Slowly and Shirley.  Short stacks again?
- (Slowly) Why are you out of nowhere coming up and disturbing us?
- (Shirley) Oh, come now, Slowly, you're so grouchy today.
- (Slowly) Shirley, don't call me grouchy.
- (Shirley) You're such a mild bear.
- (stranger) He told me start talking to you.
- (Slowly) Who?
- (stranger) Him, up there.
- (Slowly) God?
- (stranger) No, the bloke writing this.
- (Shirley) What? Why—
- (Slowly) Shirley, I'm doing the talking here...
- (Shirley) Oh, boo!
- (Slowly, to stranger) Why?
- (stranger) Hold on.  I'll ask.
- (bloke) Tell them I'm bored and lonely.
- (stranger) He says he's bored and horny—
- (bloke) Lonely!
- (stranger) Oh, opps.  I meant, lonely.
- (Slowly, sighing) I don't care.  I'm not doing it.
- (stranger, to bloke) He says he's not gonna do it.
- (Slowly) Oww!  
- (stranger) He says do it.
- (Slowly) No—oww!  What keeps dropping on my head?
- (stranger) That's an anvil.  He says do it or next time it's an elephant.
- (enter Owner) Hey, come on guys, all jokes aside, I can't afford this right now.  Do you know what an elephant will do to the place?  I can't tell you how much it's going to cost me to put in a new roof.
- (Shirley) They'll be splinters falling in peoples' soup.
- (Owner) Children underneath a foot.
- (Shirley) Come on, Slowly, do it for me, honey.
- (stranger) The bloke says tell ladygirl to stop talking...(whispers) You're turning him on.
- (Shirley) Oow!
- (Slowly) That's it!  You freaky pervert—oww!  All right, all right!  How does this go again?
- (stranger) Tell me you're tired of people playing on her stupid name.
- (Shirley) I'm tired of the cliche, boo.
- (Slowly) Shirley, we're talkin' here!

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