The One with the Coconut Water

- I claimed a small victory today, on a woman, no less.

- What, you were able to knock her out with one punch?

- This one girl got in line behind me, and I turn around, made a couple jokes, you know, make her feel happy about her wait at least.

- You pointed out someone who was fatter?

- No, the wait—that the line was eventful, and she could at least say that she wasn't behind some Magoo when she got home.

- Oh, I see.  What were you guys waiting for?

- Oh, we were at the 7-11.

- The 7-11?

- Yea, I was at a local one.

- It's good you're buying local—

- Will you shut up, I'm trying to tell you something.

- All right, what happened, she didn't laugh?

- She didn't even, not laugh.

- Uh-oh.

- She just let it hang.  Yea, her indifference was the sea.

- Big mistake.

- That's what I was thinking.  So I turn back around, and I'm thinking, you know, all right, all right...

- You put some sugar in her tank two weeks later, that's what you do.

- I'm looking around the store and I see one of the refrigerator doors is hanging open.  

- Which one?  Not the beer one, I hope?

- It was the one with the waters, vitamin, coconut, smart—you name it.

- They got that Green Apple Perrier there?

- Oh, yea, it was crying.  

- What a crime.

- It's sitting there crying and the ice is melting.

- Good, good—add that line.  It'll give you street cred.

- So I look around, a couple guys ahead of me are buying dogs and a Big Gulp—they had a deal, you know?

- Yea.

- And then I look back at sweetheart—she's got this huge bottle of coconut water in her grip.  That one was cold, believe me.

- Anyone else in the store?

- Yea, I was in there.  So I turn back around, minding my own business, and I mutter, "Looks like the ice is melting."  I'm just trying to call her attention, you know?

- Yea, it follows—

- But no response, so I say, a bit louder into the air, "Someone forgot to close the door..." 

- And?

- Nothing.  I'm getting nothing from her.  So I bite my lip, I turn around, and I nail her.

- You really did punch her.

- I go, "You mind taking my place in line while I go close the refrigerator for you?"

- There it is.

- Yea, I definitely won that one.

- Then what happened?

- I went to close the door and I got back and stood in line behind her.

- You know, this one time I was wearing a Batman T-shirt, and this hipster told me he was a big fan.

- Of Batman?

- Of me—that I was Batman.  Get it?

- What a miserable, hipster little person.  What was his name, Kale?

- Well, he won that one.

- That's when you put some sugar—Wait, what are you trying to say?

- Today I was going to do that to someone else wearing the T-shirt, and I remembered it hurt my feelings.  I thought that if I did it though, it would be more sincere.  But that doesn't make any sense.  And if he didn't laugh, I would get my feelings hurt.  Listen—let me get five dollars—when you mistake feelings with ego you become vulnerable to using terms like hipster, or sweetheart.

- So, you think she just wasn't aware?

- I'm just saying she should have known better than to not laugh at your jokes.

- That's a good point.

- I'm glad we had this conversation.