- (in distance) It won't let me scan...
- (Ben) What's with this line?
- (Joe) Relax, relax.
- (Attendent, in distance to customer) It's going to take about fifteen minutes.
- (Ben, to attendant). Hey, can I go first? I'm a man.
- (Joe) Hey, you gotta take it easy.
- (Ben) There's a man in line.
- (Joe) Come on, what are you doing?
- (Attendent, in distance to customer) It's going to take about fifteen minutes. It won't let me scan.
- (Ben) Why don't you yell at it? That's what my dad did!
- (Nicole) Ben?
- (Ben) Nicole! What's up, sexy mama!
- (Dennis, aside to Nicole) He's riding on a wet one.
- (Ben) Dennis! Dennis the Menace! (aside to Joe) More like Dennis the Bellend.
- (Joe) Take it easy.
- (Nicole, to Ben) What's going on?
- (Dennis, whispers to Nicole) We should leave this be. I think we should go.
- (Nicole) No, wait. What's going on, Ben?
- (Ben, to Dennis) How's your 8PM clique? To the Newcomer? I've never seen any newcomers get called on—you get 'em during the smoke break?
- (Nicole) What's going on with you, Ben?
- (Dennis) He's plastered!
- (Ben) Your hair's plastered!
- (Joe) It's okay; I'm taking him home.
- (Dennis) Have a nice night. Be safe.
- (Ben) ...only I can take the money out.
- (Nicole) Let me talk to you, Ben. Give me a minute.
- (Ben) ....gonna take that money out!
- (Dennis, speaking to Nicole in another aisle) ...cause that guy right there, he doesn't follow good program. He's at the meetings to hit on women. And whatever program the other one's riding on tonight, I'm not going to follow it. I'm not here to pet any egos...
- (Nicole) All right, just give me a minute to check on—
- (Ben, abruptly interrupting) Hey you don't have to pet anything—you can pet my dick.
- (Dennis) Watch your mouth!
- (Nicole) Cut it out!
- (Dennis) You need to watch your mouth!
- (Joe) All right, all right! It's all right! Let's go, Ben.
- (Dennis, to Joe) You need to take him...
(In the ensuing mayhem)
- (Ben, whispers to Nicole) Nicole, can I talk to you outside?
- (Nicole) Yea, you need to talk to me. You guys need to cool it! Dennis, stay here. You—outside, now!
- (Dennis) You sure it's all right?
- (Nicole) Yes, I'll be right back.
- (Dennis) I'll stay right here.
- (Nicole,walking Ben outside) What the hell's the—you can't just—
- (Ben, still whispering) Listen to me, listen to me—
- (Nicole) No, you need to calm the fuck—
- (Ben) Good, good; pretend you're berating me.
- (Nicole) What? I'm going to kick your ass, pal. You can't just disrespect people like that.
- (Ben) No, no listen: I needed to get away from that guy I'm with. Look, I'm not drunk or anything.
- What?
- I'm just acting.
- What?! You're just acting like an asshole?
- Yea—listen, listen.
- I don't buy it; you were belligerent in there.
- I know—that was great.
- No, it wasn't—you were very rude to my friend; and you don't say those kinds of things in public, especially when there's kids around.
- And women.
- I'm a woman, too, you know. This isn't a night out at the Bullhead bar.
- I know, that's what I meant, talking like that in front of you.
- It's a CVS—A grocery store for Christ Sakes.
- But your friend is kind of an asshole for gossiping like that, speaking in absolutes, you know? You should warn him about that, character assassination.
- What are you talking about?
- Here, keep walking with me, so I can tell you this real quick.
- Tell me what? What's wrong with you? How much have you had? Are you high, too?
- Listen, please.
- Did you use?
- Okay, listen—I know it looks bad—
- You're damn right. You should be embarrassed—I'm embarrassed!
- I am. Listen, I'm only pretending to be drunk.
- What? Why?
- I'm trying to get away from the guy I'm with.
- What the hell are you talking about?
- That guy—
- Joe? I know Joe.
- He's wants to be my sponsor.
- So? You need a sponsor right now.
- But he's crowding me.
- Crowding you?
- Yea, he's all over me.
- That's cause he's trying to keep from getting into trouble. He thinks you're drunk, and so do I.
- No, listen, please.
- Okay, what is it?
- Okay, when I first came to the rooms, he took me to a few meetings, see? Like he was taking me under his wing, right?
- Under his wing?
- Whatever, you get what I mean.
- Yea, he was trying to show you around. He's a nice guy. He was probably trying to introduce you to more people.
- Then he said he wanted to be my sponsor—he popped the question!
- Popped the question? What question? Are you sure you're not drunk? He wasn't trying to hit on you.
- Yea, I know. I was just making a funny.
- Okay, just making sure you know.
- Yea, I know.
- Why didn't you try it? You don't have a sponsor.
- I was just hesitant all around.
- Okay, that's understandable.
- Right. But he kept bringing it up, that I needed someone to go through the book with me, cause I kept flaking on him all the time.
- He was trying to help you, get you started on some stepwork. So what's wrong with that?
- Nothing, I just didn't feel like we were compatible.
- What do you mean?
- I didn't feel comfortable with him. Every time I talk to him, he's always in a bad mood—just complaining about everything, his parents, sometimes nothing specific and just maintaining an unpleasant air about him, like you have to pry it out of him. It makes me want to shoot my brains out, just talking to him!
- Oh, come on, don't get dramatic.
- And then right afterwards, he would go, Don't you think it's time we get started on the book? I know he's got like four years, but if that's how I'm going to be in four years—
- You shouldn't think like that.
- Yea, but, you get what I'm saying?
- So you just tell him you're not comfortable with him as your sponsor.
- I don't want to depress him even more.
- Maybe he has other outside issues. It's just a way of helping himself, if he can help you... Look, why don't you just say you plan to work with someone else. It's not his place to question your sponsor. And you won't be lying, cause I'm willing to help you get started.
- I think the reason he keeps pushing me to let him be my sponsor...is that he lives in his car!
- What?
- Well he doesn't live in his car—he lives out of his car.
- You're being silly.
- One time he picked me up and I thought we were going out for coffee, and he had a big mug of lukewarm coffee with a metal spoon in it; he parked somewhere, and then he took out another mug from under some blankets and books.
- What does this have to do with anything? Nothing's going to excuse how you were speaking to Dennis. That's disgusting.
- But Dennis is right. I think Joe only shows up when Tammy is chairing—you know, that lady that always calls herself a pothead? And everyone always gets up during her shares to get coffee—except Joe of course, he already has coffee.
- I have no idea what you're going on about. And talk about gossiping and speaking in absolutes—
- I think he's looking for a place to stay, I can feel it. He's trying to worm his way into my life. I don't feel comfortable opening up to him.
- Then don't—I don't care. Why are you telling Dennis to pet your...whatever. And calling me sexy mama? I'm old enough to be your mother.
- I don't know, I was trying to get rid of him...but I think I took it too far...
- You think?
- Now he's going to feel obligated to take me home.
- Of course he is, he's a good friend.
- He's going to want to sleep under my bed and talk about his childhood.
- You're an idiot.
- It's going to be a slippery slope, Nicole. I think he might be a squatter.
- If you're not drunk—which I'm not even sure of anymore—then you're an idiot, and I'm going home.
- You think Dennis could take me home?
- I'll talk to you later. You need to apologize to him, by the way.
- He's going to want to do stepwork every time he wants eggs—
- Cause he'll already have the coffee, right?
- Exactly!
- You're an idiot. Make sure you apologize to Dennis.
- Great, I'm going to have keep this up all night now.
- Well, you get what you put in. Can you just tell me what you're doing here with him?
- I don't know, I ran into him here. I've been texting him about how gnarly this relapse is to avoid picking up his calls. I just came to pick up some asparagus and mushrooms for this dinner recipe I'm working on. There was some fresh pumpernickel—he's supposed to wait till I sober up to give me his pitch, isn't he?
- His pitch? I don't know what to tell you. Everyone tries to help another to save their own ass, but if you don't want his help, there are better ways to go about it.
- Maybe he wants a job. I'm going end up running a halfway house.
- Or you might end up in one. I gotta go, Ben. Be nice.
- What should I do?
- Use your head—or don't use your head. Just be nice.
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