The car I made flip over

I've been judging people left and right all day. One car I made flip over when I decided the driver didn't deserve to drive that vehicle, and that his sunglasses made him look like a crook, which he probably is, because he's driving that vehicle and he doesn't deserve to.  One lady almost sideswiped me; she didn't care when I straightened her out.  I looked for more reasons to hate her—that's when I spotted the baby cradle in the backseat.  I started fuming.  I turned the air conditioner all the way up, but opened the window slightly, thereby creating a vent for the smoke coming out of my ears.  I decided she was aging, and now that she had her own baby, clearly she stopped caring about anybody who wasn't her baby.  She was probably late picking baby up from baby school, that baby, so I sideswiped her.  I felt so victimized.  I assessed the situation, and decided that I was still good, and they were not; I was more important to the world, that they are talentless, and go into dentistry.  But to spite them all, I decided to stop somewhere and eat unhealthy.  

Before I got to the unhealthy spot, I pulled over to another spot to grab a soft drink from the aisles, out of spite for the unhealthy spot, wherein them would charge me an extra buck something for some of the same soda.  Once there, I spotted a bland turkey sandwich, which really had nothing to say for itself.  Just then an attendant passed by, and I abruptly grabbed him by the collar and pulled his face into the sandwich stand. 

"Where's the mayo?"

He tried helplessly to look around.  

"Don't look around; look at me," I assured him in a soft, knowing tone.

"But...but," he tried to speak in earnest, "My face is in the sandwich!" 

I eased my grip and pulled him back to me.

"There is none," he revealed curtly, looking at the floor with petulance.

"Oh." I smiled and let him go. 

He stood there momentarily, indignant and correcting himself, then he walked away.  He was gay—I could tell.  I had hurt his feelings.  I turned my attention again back to the stand, and studied the option intently.  The sandwich offered nothing but purpose.  It sat there grouped in between a bunch of slobs.

I thought of contrary action, made a couple jokes to others walking around the store, and went with the turkey.  Continuing my drive, I almost crashed into the car next to me trying to keep the pickles from falling out of my sandwich. The driver was visibly upset—ah, but it don't matter I was eating healthy.