...so begins, Khash Season

- See these urinals?

- Which ones?  These ones?

- No, the ones in the ladies room.

- Well, of course I sees them.  

- Ah, you were being clever.  Well, deposits form when people don't flush.

- Even with that sign up, huh?

- Yea, John put that up.

- Who's John?

- He's my friend.  He looks like Kurt Cobain.

- Why would they not flush?  Probably because everything's electronic now?

- You mean those sensors they have at the mall?

- Yea.  

- It's these old timers.  You gotta figure they get up six times a night to have it all.

- I thought it was eight times to have it all.

- Maybe, if you're detoxing.  And under that constant strain, you're bound to get rebellious.

- Yea, what's the point of flushing if you've already wet your pants?

- (laughs) They're probably used to not flushing.  Anyway, these deposits, they clog up the hole and make flushing difficult for the poor old lady.

- The urinal?

- Yes.  Flooding, overflowing—you name it.  

- I'm trying.

- But mainly, it stinks.

- It's a stinkafink!

- Oh it's a smellysmell.  Okay, listen—

- I'm ready.

- What we need is acid.

- Now you're talking!

- Hydrochloric acid.  Do you know what this is?

- Yea, it's hydra—

- It's hydrochloric acid.

- Do they use it to cook speed?

- I'm not sure...they might.  We're going to pour about three ounces of this into the water.  Enough to eat away the deposits but not enough to go into the pipes.  This stuff is dangerous, real dangerous.

- Okay.

- It rusts metal, it eats steel; you can't touch it or inhale it.  It'll do wonders to your skin, lungs, and stomach.  

- Is it what makes you want to jerk off?

- Shut up.  See that steam coming out of the water? 

- Yea.

- Put your ear close to the water and you can hear it fizzing.

- Okay.

- Now put your hand underneath.  Feel that porcelain warming.

- What's that thick buttery coating?

- That, my friend, is piss.  These old timers go all over the place with their hoses.

- Got it.  

- Now, what do you remember about Chemistry class?

- I remember Brooke Sanders' thighs.

- It's good you remember the important parts.  We have to neutralize the acid with a base.

- Look, it's turning into a root beer float!

- It's like baking soda, the base—

- What if we underline the sign—

- Very basic.  It tastes like salt.

- I'm going to get a red permanent marker.

- Okay, you could do that—Hey!  

- Huh?

- Get me one of those stirring straws out by the coffee pot—I dropped a dime in the hole.